Re: Damm Laguna –
30-04-2010,04:56 PM
I had a 1996 Laguna (1) 2.0 RXE for a year as a company car. I had just joined the company, and it was a hand-me-down with a year left on the lease. Without being unkind, I'd describe it simply as horrid. The worst feature was the voice computer in conjunction with the immobiliser. The way the immobiliser was designed gave you 30 seconds from unlocking the car to get it started, or else the immobiliser would activate. When this happened, attempting to start the car would result in the computer annoucing "WARNING! The engine immobiliser is set. You can't start the engine. Refer to handbook." My daughter was three at the time, and needed strapping into her child seat in the back before starting any journey. This would inevitably result in the immobiliser arming itself before I could start the car. I'd inevitably forget, jump into the driver's seat, turn the key, and get the smug announcement from the car. The only way to get past the immobiliser would then be to take the key out of the ignition, press the fob to lock the car, press again to unlock the car, and then it could be started. I got so adept at this that I could do it in a jiffy. Regardless of this, once the computer had started its droning announcement about the immobilizer being set, it continued on to the end, come what may. I used to feel a deep sense of pride that I could have the engine actually started and the car moving before it got to the words "You can't start the engine." I could never swear at it, though, as my daughter was sitting in the back of the car, so instead I would reply out loud "Too late - it's already started, you heap of junk!"
The car suffered a few problems too - the heater matrix developed a leak and started dumping coolant into the ventilation system. A Renault dealer in Manchester had it in to fix the problem, and I got the car back a week later. As I drove off the forecourt, the computer started making random unintelligible announcement noises - "You" "e" "th" "a" "wa" "e" and the Renault equivanent of the DIS was flashing up random symbols and lines. I turned the car around, drove back onto the forecourt, walked back inside and handed the keys back to them. It was another two weeks before I got the car back.
A few weeks later, on holiday with the family in Cornwall, we were driving along a country road, and there was a loud thud, the car lurched up at the back, followed by a horrible ripping/cracking sound. The car sounded like the exhaust had fallen off, which was pretty much the case. The rear silencer had come adrift from the pipe, the leading edge had dropped to the road surface and the motion of the car had then forced it backwards and upwards, punching a big hole in the rear bumper. When the AA got to us, the patrol man told me he had seen this endless times on Lagunas.
I was so glad when that car went - I swapped to a new A4 B5, and I have stayed loyal to the Audi brand ever since.
MF.
Gone: 2016 A6 Saloon BE Ultra S tronic - Floret Silver, Tech Pack Advanced, Parking Pack Advanced, Heated F+R Seats & Wheel, Electric Seats, Matrix LED, Ambient Lighting, Speed Limit Display, Twin Spoke 20", Folding Memory Mirrors
Now: E 53 AMG 4MATIC / Q5 2.0TFSi Prestige
