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View Full Version : Victor Meldrew in disguise



gazza57
16-11-2010, 01:35 PM
I actually think I am becoming Southampton's answer to Victor Meldrew or people are just getting ruder and surlier.
I went into a local B&Q to get some rainwater bits, gutter and a downpipe etc, now you know the large four wheeled troliies in there with a sprung horizontal flap for carrying cement etc, well I got one of those with the proverbial wonky wheel which meant it was trying to disappear up it's own ring.
Expertly controlling it's bucking bronco tailspins, I managed to push it in more or less a straight line over to where the cement is stacked.
As I stopped to let go of it, it turned through 90 degrees blocking the aisle, now right at that time, I had a 50kg sack of cement in my hands and this bloke who had been huffing and tutting his way down the aisle pipes up behind me with a stream of vitriolic spume laden expletives emanating from a rotting hole full of black teeth and halitosis.
It was clear from the unpleasant bouquet given off from both his mouth and armpits that neither he or his clothes had made friends with a bar of soap, deodorant or washing powder for some considerable time and all of this mixed with the fragrance of stale fags.
"Why the *uck can't you get out of the bloody way?"
Normally I am very tolerant but what really gets my back right up is gratuitous rudeness, all he had to do was to say excuse me and I would have let him pass, but no.
Bowing before him I replied:
"Oh I am terribly sorry your majesty, had I known you were making a state visit to B&Q and required unfettered access to the store without the close attentions of the rest of the human race, I would have arranged it for B&Q to close while you were inside"
I was actually hoping he'd be outside when I had gone through the checkout, I'd have taken great delight in having another audience with him though at a distance due to his failure to grasp the basics of personal hygiene.
Sadly however King DIY and his entourage had departed though sadly not from this world just to wherever he lives, if I really wanted to find him I suppose I could have just followed the pong!

Gazza57:D

MalcQV
16-11-2010, 07:38 PM
Nice :D

Ben
16-11-2010, 08:33 PM
Bowing before him I replied:
"Oh I am terribly sorry your majesty, had I known you were making a state visit to B&Q and required unfettered access to the store without the close attentions of the rest of the human race, I would have arranged it for B&Q to close while you were inside"

Were you still holding on to the bag of cement at this point?

gazza57
18-11-2010, 01:21 PM
Do you know Ben,
That's a good point, if I had the presence of mind I could have dumped the cement on his foot or chucked it in his mouth.
If I chucked it in there it would probably have jumped back out of it's own accord.
I just dropped the bag on to the trolley before the mock bowing took place.

Gazza57

paulthefox
20-11-2010, 12:20 PM
:D

vwcabriolet1971
20-11-2010, 06:11 PM
These type of people also drive ! It's a great shame that they did away with deportation.

gazza57
22-11-2010, 01:43 PM
Cabrio,
these sorts are 100% "Oxygen thieves"

Gazza57:D