Anyone experianced anything like this before?

**JSH** · 16-05-2010,11:01 AM

If the subject of suicide upsets you please dont read any further.

I have a good friend who has had a long history of depression and self harm, For him life has delt him a fairly rough hand, dont get me wrong he's a trier and a more generous kind and thought full person you could ever wish to meet. Over the last six months or so he's obsessed with ending his life, making what seems to me to have made several serious attempts to end his life.
This morning in the early hours i was contacted by the Police that he was found near a high speed railway line. I know what he went to do!
Im just at a loss to know what to do to help him, Ive spoken to the Health service / social services but they seem useless, The Samaritans have talked to him but his attitude hasn't changed.
I know that ultimately its his choice. But this is a terrible situation thats weighing heavily

Any help / ideas will be greatfully recieved

**phil miller** · 16-05-2010,11:34 AM

its a very hard thing to deal with, for you and your friend, ive always been a happy go lucky bloke, nothing has ever got me down for long, but at the start of the year i broke up with my ex and she was messing around with me seeing are 10 month old son, i was sure she was seeing someone else all the signs where there but she kepted telling me she wasnt, anyway st singles day (as i now call it) was THE HARDEST day of my life, i felt empty, sick, all i wanted was to remove the pain inside, i saw my car, tools at work pretty much everything as a tool to end the pain, you see common sence had gone out the window, i didnt care about the after affect on my friends and family, i just wanted rid of the hurt, i was talked into asking my mum to take me to the doctors where i was put on a course of anti-depressants, and signed off work for 2 weeks, they were the hardest 2 weeks of my life, now fast forward 3 months things are 10000% better, ive picked myself up, got my lovely golf and things are ;looking up alround, my point is your friend needs to want to pick himself up otherwise its a circle affect, dont get me wrong its the hardest thing ive ever done, all you can do is be there and support him, show him there is a reason for him to be alive, until feb i didnt understand depression, but now i understand it, and TBH all you can do is be the best friend you can, i hope your friend finds away through this hard time, i know how hard it is to keep going, my thoughts are with you, i hope this helps in some way

**fat controller** · 16-05-2010,11:45 AM

I have personal experience, in that I suffered a nervous breakdown and a severe depression about 12 years ago. Although I didn't self harm (at least not in the traditional sense), I did attempt to end my life on a number of occasions, and I was also drinking heavily on a fairly regular basis.

The main thing that most people don't understand about suicide, is that to the person considering it, it is not about ending your life - it is about ending the immediate pain they are in; this pain is not the same as the pain from burning yourself or breaking a bone, but it is pain nonetheless, and the individual suffering from it will do anything to make it stop.

I was aware that I had a problem, and friends and family had helped me and took me to doctors etc, and I was put on anti-depressants. As it later transpired, the first anti-depressant actually made the situation worse, and made me even more suicidal; that drug was Seroxat, and I learned years later that it is known for this in the US.

Everyone reacts differently to different anti-depressants - I ended up having three different types over a number of months, before a doctor decided to try me on Prozac - within four months on that, I was completely recovered (it literally was a miracle cure for me, especially given the trouble that the Seroxat started), and I have not had any relapse or reoccurence since.

Now, what can you do to help your friend?

Well, bluntly, not a lot. Your friend needs professional help, and will most likely need to have quite a bit of treatment and possibly different drugs before there will be any sign of improvement. In reality, if he continues to attempt to take his life, then it is most likely that he will be sectioned under the mental health act - and although this sounds a very negative thing, it actually isn't; the truth of the matter is, if he were sectioned he would get the professional help he needs very quickly indeed, and it would most likely be the best thing that happened to him in a long time! (this country is crap at dealing with mental health problems at GP level, and it takes far too long for people to get to see specialists, which actually causes more problems).

All you can do, is be there for him to talk to, and try and maintain your friendship. Don't try and take on too much, or you will end up embroilled in a situation that you are unlikely to be able to cope with (no offence) - for example, if he disappears and you suspect that he has gone make another attempt on his life, call the poilce and let them deal with it; don't be tempted to go looking for him yourself, as you will only drive yourself nuts, and potentially prevent your friend from getting prompt treatment by hiding the problem (ie, you bring him home, sort him out, nobody knows until next time).

Sorry if I have sounded harsh at all, but trust me when it comes to situations like this it really is best left to the professionals.

**JSH** · 16-05-2010,12:24 PM

Many Thanks to Phil & The Fat Controller

Thank-you very much, I Have read your replys and found them very honest and helpfull

As I hope you can imagine, This is all very unknown ground for me, and to see a close friend hurting so much, is awfull.

As soon as I posted I began to regret it, as I wasn't sure this is the place.
But you chaps have helped alot

Im sure I became too close to this to know what to do for the best

Once again Thank-you

**fat controller** · 16-05-2010,12:44 PM

Originally Posted by JSH

Many Thanks to Phil & The Fat Controller

Thank-you very much, I Have read your replys and found them very honest and helpfull

As I hope you can imagine, This is all very unknown ground for me, and to see a close friend hurting so much, is awfull.

As soon as I posted I began to regret it, as I wasn't sure this is the place.
But you chaps have helped alot

Im sure I became too close to this to know what to do for the best

Once again Thank-you

You're welcome

Its never easy to post about something like this on a public forum, however sometimes its still the best thing to do simply because you will get (generally) honest answers, and a range of responses from people with different experiences.

Is also very difficult to remain detached when you are close to someone - it is a terrible thing to watch someone tearing themselves apart - you are only human after all.

The good news is, once your friend gets the right treatment, he WILL get better (he won't know or believe it to start with, but it will happen).

EDIT - If it helps, feel free to PM me any time. I may not be able to give you much of an answer, but sometimes just bouncing it off somebody impartial can help.

Good luck

**JSH** · 16-05-2010,04:09 PM

Update

After the advice and support, from fellow members I have managed to convince him to come with me to the local Mental health hospital where he was admitted.

Probably one of the hardest things I've ever done, but he's in the System

A huge thank-you for the support and especially Fat Controller for PM ing me and advising , Sir you are a Star!

A Very Relieved JSH

**stuart** · 16-05-2010,04:13 PM

I am pleased that things are starting to look better, this is only the start of things.... I am also glad that a couple of our Members have been able to help...

Good luck with everything, I hope it goes well...

Stuart