The "Male Chicken Club" confessional thread - post up your Male Chicken moments

**Col** · 10-02-2009,07:40 PM

Rhymes with sock....... lives in a farmyard ...... and does not lay eggs !

Yes you've guessed it, especially if you watch Top Gear.

Anyway this is the club if;

1, You have a sense of humour.

2, You have moment(s) when driving your Audi where you have behaved like a Male Chicken.

and

3, You want to confess.

Notes and rules (to be made up as we go along or as I see fit);

A, The actual "C" word is never to be mentioned in here. It is a crime so henous that you will go straight to hell.

B, The newer the Audi the bigger the Male Chicken you are likely to be, so it is only right that you should try harder in your plea for forgiveness.

C, Only non Audi drivers can grant forgiveness, that is VW, Skoda & Seat, others may be considered.

D, Above all, keep it clean, no swearing, not even when you put *** or xxxx in place of letters and did I mention, never say the "C" word.

E, Brutality and shaming is actively encouraged and remember this can easily be achieved without swearing.

**Col** · 10-02-2009,07:48 PM

Today on the way home I lost the rag with an old fool. He was such a fool that he thought it a good idea to deliberately slow down and brake check me.

This brought out the inner Male Chicken in me and at a set of lights I really quite savagely shouted at him.

This is a golden rule of mine I have not broken for many many years, my policy being that it simply is not worth it.

I really don't know what got into me.

But he deserved being shouted at !

I'm four days into driving an Audi and am gobsmacked and ashamed that I did this. In fact can't believe it.

Can I be forgiven ?

Do Audi use dashboard plastics that emit gases that alter behaviour ?

**kodkod.84** · 10-02-2009,08:07 PM

First week I had the new petrol version of my Audi A4 Avant- I was taking a drive along the A149 to Wells-Next-Sea with my parents in the car.

Typical of this road on a Sunday, everyone was driving at around 40mph and I was itching to test the power.

Anyhow got fed up in the end and booted it past around 6 cars in a row and a coach full of oldies on a day trip, before cutting in front of it causing said coach to brake sharply to let me in. Cue lots of tutting from my Mum. and Dad.

So I believe going from a diesel Audi to a petrol Audi had bought out the male chicken in me.

Please forgive me Shearings coach driver.

**Col** · 10-02-2009,08:12 PM

Originally Posted by kodkod.84

First week I had the new petrol version of my Audi A4 Avant- I was taking a drive along the A149 to Wells-Next-Sea with my parents in the car.

Typical of this road on a Sunday, everyone was driving at around 40mph and I was itching to test the power.

Anyhow got fed up in the end and booted it past around 6 cars in a row and a coach full of oldies on a day trip, before cutting in front of it causing said coach to brake sharply to let me in. Cue lots of tutting from my Mum. and Dad.

So I believe going from a diesel Audi to a petrol Audi had bought out the male chicken in me.

Please forgive me Shearings coach driver.

Your inner chicken is strong, especially if you tried to out it with your folks in the car. Cluck.

**kite** · 10-02-2009,08:44 PM

I have MAJOR moments whenever I drive my Audi (I hope it is the plastics).
I like to make progresson on the drive to work and one day undertook a car then blasted
along a duel carridgeway only to find said car trying desperately to hang on.
We swing into a tight left followed by a right and I take a glance in the rear view only to see
back end of his car where the front should be.
10 mins later I find said car alongside me on the motorway, what followed was a high speed rant between 2 red blooded males with too many hormones.
With hindsight I should not drive should not and will not drive as aggesively again.

**kodkod.84** · 10-02-2009,08:55 PM

Sounds like the other driver was in an Audi too- or dreaming of driving one.

He span his car and yet still wants to catch up and duel- the big male chicken

**paul b** · 10-02-2009,10:42 PM

I've never been bad in the Audi really... but then again I only get my hands on it on occasion, its in daily use with the wife.

But my son has sometimes moaned about things the wife has done. The other day he told me about something she had done and he was so embarrassed to be in the car with her!

She pulled out from the layby outside our house and needed to cut across 2 lanes of traffic to turn right. I'm told she flashed her hazards to say thankyou to the car behind, only to forget to turn them off and leave them on as she changes lane again. Then she argues with the person who honked her... another female in an Astra... and she still didn't realise she had left the hazards on. This caused an arguement with the lights on red... then my son told her to shut up and turned the hazards off for her.

So that was the wife's impersonation of being a male chicken.

**Col** · 10-02-2009,11:35 PM

....Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with letting the inner chicken out.

The problem is other peoples perception of the chicken. To you, what is perfectly reasonable is proposterous and scary to them. People should simply learn that they are always wrong and that we always want to go faster than them and that where we are going is always more important than where they are going and that they should simply hurry up or get out of the way.

I'm with Foghorn Leghorn...
He is a role model to us all.

**Flying Scot** · 11-02-2009,09:22 AM

Just read the title and thought, this is just the type of thread to keep me amused during the day at work.

Read through the first few posts and thought, these guys are the real deal when it comes to male chickens…..then I thought, I could never post anything here, I’m far too cool to be included in such nonsense……then it hit me, having such an attitude would surely make me a male chicken.

**Clinterous** · 11-02-2009,10:36 AM

Ahem...the chicken emerges when I'm on the Mway:

If the car behind me is driving at the same speed and has done so for several miles, and then after we both get blocked in by faster traffic in the next lane and have to slow down, if that driver behind jumps out and boots it and blocks me in, I will purposely block them in at the next available opportunity. Just to teach them a lesson in road courtesy

.

Instead of swearing, I might start to '**** a doodle doo' from now on.