Bizarre Central Locking Problem

[mofthebray]

I think my 02 2dr Polo has inherited some Herbie genes. It has taken to locking and unlocking itself and opening its windows all by itself. Has anyone any suggestions on how I can fix it? (Please keep it simple if possible)

Many thanks

PS - if anyone knows how to turn off the service interval warning I could do with some help there as the manual method doesn't work.